How to write a Dear Gold Digger Letter

If you have problems saying goodbye to a leech, write her a letter. Thats all she deserves.

Dear [ Rejectee's name here ],
(If you are too shaken up to say her name try Loser, Slut, Moron, Whore, Bitch, Daddy-Lover, Foot Stool, Sex-Meat.)

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mrs. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]

___ Your Breasts are big but they smell.

___ Giving you mylast name is objectionable. I damage the family reputation by letting you wear it.

___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing. When you asked me for dinner, I didn't think a Big Mac was on the menu and me paying for it, is not a good sign either.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy sponges by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.

___ Your legs are fatter than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET whats inside my pants.

___ Your "I like men with big muscles" comment, given the melon shaping look of your butt, was inappropriate.

___ You failed the credit check. All you credit cards are overdrawn, and by marrying another name, does not exonerate you from you debts.

___ I find your inability to prepare a simple dinner extraordinarily unappealing. And making reservations is not making me dinner.

___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase "My Daddy or Prior Boyfriend" has popped up far too often in conversation.

___ You still live with your two evil sisters and you are not Cinderella.

___ You mention your ex-boyfriend's name more than you mention mine.

___ Two words: Suck This. Does not mean my bank account.


[ Your name here ]
(Or someone who will not support you emotionally or financially anymore.)

Go back to my home page.
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